Note: No humanities majors were harmed in the production of this post. Also, economics is a social science and is the driving force behind the progress of the human race. Econ majors are excluded. Please don’t murder me in my sleep. :D
Being the stronghold of the School of Humanities, the Academic Block at LUMS was designed to be as messed up as the mind of the typical humanities major. In other words, unless you’re majoring in sociology/anthropology, its architecture makes no sense whatsoever. However, over the days I have learnt several tips and tricks to navigate through this confusing jungle. Since I am a mere library-lurking science major, these tricks are not perfect and I still often need help from people regarding the location of different auditoriums, but they work most of the time.
The Coin-Toss Navigation Technique
This one is simple. Slowly circle the academic block and toss a coin while passing in front of each exit. If you get a heads, then that’s the exit you want to go through. In case of failure, simply come back and, as they say… try, try again. This doesn’t make any sense? Well, neither do the humanities.
The Reverse Psychology Technique
One thing you have to realize is that you will almost never get correct directions from someone in the academic block. The best solution to this anomaly is to do the exact opposite of what people tell you.
Sample directions: “You want to see the HSS Co-ordinator? Sure thing. Just turn right and pass through that exit.”
Typical incorrect freshman response: Turn right and pass through the exit.
Correct *real* luminite response: Turn left and pass through the opposite exit.
The Insult Humanities Majors Technique
You obviously have a lower chance of finding the right auditorium than you do of being selected for the next trip to the International Space Station. Plus, you’re late for your class anyway… so why not make productive use of your time by insulting humanities majors? It’s pretty easy to do. Just go to someone who looks like a humanities major and tell him/her humanities is useless. Then prepare yourself for the three hour backlash. It’s even more fun with political science majors because then you can just assert that political science isn’t a real science.
The Solipsism Technique
If you can’t beat them, join them. The cake is a lie, there is no spoon and the humanities are better than the sciences. Send in a transfer to the humanities school, enroll for Philosophy 101, buy a guitar, stop sleeping at night and start annoying those lame science majors having breakfast at six in the morning before their first class by repeatedly screaming ‘life is a drug’. Only when you’re ‘high on life’ (and low on intelligence) will you understand the true secrets of the academic block.