Exams have a weird effect on people. They affect different people differently. Let’s look at some examination stereotypes.
The Evil Teacher
Some teachers just love to make the lives of their pupils miserable. Their torture increases exponentially during the exams. When they make the exam they try their best to use the obscurest terms and the weirdest grammar known to the English language. Even if you know the answer, you spend hours simply trying to decipher the different levels of meaning hidden in the question, until you develop schizophrenia and start believing the modern education system was developed by the Illuminati to torture the new generation and force them to yield. Here’s an example.
What the teacher is really asking:
What is Newton’s second law?
The question she writes in the exam:
State the sacred arrangement of words and symbols that is widely believed to be the second testament of the Enlightened One who was hit arbitrarily by a scarlet apple in the days of yore.
The scope of her exam too, leads one to suspect the involvement of sinister forces…
What she teaches: 2x + 4 = 5
What she gives in the exam:
The Conniving Head-mistress
Armed with her evil grin and her time-table organizing capabilities, she is a force to be reckoned with. She excels in the art of making the worst possible exam schedule in order to ensure a sleepless night for her students. I can imagine her though process…
Hmm.. Let’s see. I have eight subjects and two weeks. I can of course give two holidays before each science subject and one holiday before each arts subject to give the students ample time for preparations and revision. But that’s too main-stream. Let’s spice things up a little. Why don’t I give 4 holidays before English Language, an exam that doesn’t need any revision at all, while give no holiday for Physics? That would be fun. Better still, why don’t I schedule the Maths and Physics exams on the very same day? Hmm… that is pure genius. Muhahahahaha!
The Macho Invigilator
These people are nightmares. Their purpose in life is to cancel papers. A slight whisper, and they come running at you and write a huge “Cancelled. Cheated.” on your exam sheet. If they can’t find a culprit, they just select some random person sitting nearby, invent something up, claim to have seen him cheating and cancel his paper. I think they have a secret competition or something. The invigilator who cancels the most papers in a single exam session wins.
The Nervous (Lazy) Guy
These are usually the people who cared least about their academic standing during regular school days. Some of them suddenly get this exam-phobia that totally makes them go bananas. They will begin irritating their class-mates by asking them to explain stuff which they did not understand (or even listen to) earlier because they were too busy cussing each other and being a general nuisance in regular classes. They don’t actually study either, their nervousness and concern is only limited to the class where they can use it to annoy people in the vicinity.
The New ‘Best-Friend’
These are the people who, in normal school-days, are extremely rude to you. They make fun of you constantly, make racist remarks and annoy you in class. However, suddenly, a day or two before the exams their behaviour alters drastically. They start sitting beside you, start back-biting about other people in front of you to instill a sense of alliance or something, start hanging out with you in the school break and stuff. Then half an hour before the exam they’ll say something like this in a half-conversational, half-threatening tone, “Why of course you’ll help me out in the exams won’t you? Just tilt your sheet a little when I whisper the question I want to see. You’re my best-friend…”.
The ‘Don’t Care, Didn’t Study’ Guy
These people spend all night studying hard for the exam. They have every concept and equation on their fingertips, but yet act as if they don’t know a thing. When people come and ask them stuff, they act stupid. But somehow they always manage to get surprisingly good marks. I always wondered why they act stupid. Perhaps they do this to protect themselves from being victimised by the New ‘Best-Friend’ and the Nervous (Lazy) guys.
The Evil Nerds
These guys are evil. Evil, I tell you! The teacher gave something out of syllabus in the exams? “No problem, Miss. We know it.” Speak for yourself, dammit! The teacher forgot to take the test today? “Miss, today was the test…”. Curse you! The teacher forgot to give the homework? “Miss, what is the homework?” You son of a …! The teacher is absent? “Let’s go to the principal and demand a substitute teacher.” Kill yourself.
People Like Me
These guys are complete punch-bags. They are moderately affected by the examinations. They get victimised by the parasites. They get bullied by the predators. And all they can do about it is write ambiguous blog posts.