internet

How to Win an Internet Argument

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Credits: XKCD [ http://xkcd.com/386/ ]

Choose the Right Viewpoint

Before taking part in an online argument, it is wise to carefully choose a viewpoint that is the most widely believed and hence will get you the most public support. Knowing which viewpoint is supported by the majority of the population is easy: just pick the one that is stupidest, requires the least amount of intelligence, is supported by the most politicians and has the least amount of evidence to back it up. An argument with all of these qualities is guaranteed to be the one with the most public support.

Wrong: Climate Change is a major challenge for our species and we need to use all our combined intellect and resources to avert this catastrophe and leave a better world for future generations.

Right: Climate Change is false propaganda by those pesky liberals.

Awesome: Climate Change is a conspiracy by the Illuminati so they can control the world and impose evil things like science and education on the innocent population.

Use Incorrect Grammar

Whatever you do, don’t write a single sentence that is actually comprehensible.  Using correct grammar or language that suggests you were privileged enough to receive even the most minimal amount of education  is suicide in the world of online arguments. It is also extremely crucial that you misspell all words that are more than three letters long.

Wrong: I am sorry sir, but you seem to be exceedingly ignorant and uninformed of the issue at hand.

Right: Die u stupid imbaceele!

Awesome: Fak u fegit, K? U bez stoopid. Plz dying now.

Credits: XKCD [ http://xkcd.com/1081/ ]

Take Ad Hominem to the Next Level

Whoever said nonsense like, “Attack the idea, not the person“, was clearly an Indian agent trying to spread false propaganda. To win an internet argument you must never ever ever pay attention to the your opponent’s ideas, logic or evidence. The best thing to do is to disregard everything he has to say and keep hurling insults at him, his parents and (only for professionals) his ancestry, race and language.

Preposterously Wrong: I agree with most of your evidence however you must remember that correlation does not imply causation in all cases, and hence the conclusions you draw may be unjustified.

Wrong: Your argument is invalid.

Right: Damn u aNd ur grAndMa. U <insert race> morons r <insert unfriendly country> agents trys 2 destroying my contry. Pplz like u shud B deadened and hanging. Stoopid treitor pPlz.

The Capslock is Your Friend

You may sometimes run into a problem if your assertion is not convincing enough. Some people make the mistake of mentioning objective evidence and logic to support their claim. That’s stupid, don’t do that. The best technique to work your way out of this situation is to  just keep repeating your assertion in an exceedingly aggressive and illiterate-sounding tone. Turning on the caps-lock and SHOUTING EVERYTHING IN CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  is strongly recommended.

And that’s that. I’m sure with these simple, easily implementable techniques you will never lose an internet argument again.

Scientific Tweeting

Twitter is like a library. There are all kinds of books but which ones you want to read is entirely your choice. Most people just issue a retarded Jane Austen novel to kill time with, but some use the library to read textbooks on Science, Mathematics and Medicine. If you fall under the latter category, then here are some amazing twitter handles for you to follow…

Neil deGrasse Tyson’s tweets are so epic, they’re even featured in his book. I found his book, Space Chronicles – Facing the Ultimate Frontier, at a bookstore and took a picture. Here take a look,

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Yes! NASA’s Voyager actually has an official twitter handle. Awesome, right? If you don’t think that’s awesome then you’re bad and you should feel bad.

This one doesn’t seem to be official but it’s pretty well informed and, quite frankly, posts more interesting and cool tweets.

Epic epic epic epic EPIC epic epic epic EPIC!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the official twitter handle of NASA’s curiosity rover.

A tribute to Carl Sagan. Gives you a regular dose of profound and meaningful Carl Sagan quotes.

Incredibly informative.

And that’s it. Some of the best and most informative accounts on twitter. As a side note, there’s also this wannabe newb who has practically no followers at all and would appreciate some new ones…

 

What’s the Deal with Billions and Billions?

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Carl Sagan’s association with the term “billions and billions” is so popular that there’s actually a term called sagan which is synonymous to billions and billions. Sample usage: “There are sagans of stars in the Milky Way”. Ironically, although he often mentioned millions, trillion and miscellaneous -illions of things, Carl Sagan never actually used the term “billions and billions” exactly in Cosmos: A Personal Voyage. It was actually popularised by the comedian Johnny Carson who parodied Sagan. Luckily, Sagan took it to be good-natured humor and titled his last book Billions and Billions.

Here’s a collection of all the ‘-illions’ mentioned in Cosmos: A Personal Voyage:

Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson faced a similar situation with the hilarious “We got a badass over here” meme nowadays. The meme is probably based on an interview he gave to the Youtube Channel BigThink, where he discussed Isaac Newton and his achievements. Once again, like Carl Sagan and the term billions and billions, Tyson never actually used the phrase “We got a badass over here” in the interview. It’s kind of hilariously unfortunate, in my opinion. 😀

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Here’s the original interview, where Neil deGrasse Tyson discussed Isaac Newton:

And here’s a video of Neil deGrasse Tyson discussing the meme, it’s hilarious:

Patriotic Trolls

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I don’t usually talk about the India-Pakistan issue, but what I find really annoying is that on sites like the Express Tribune and Youtube, on every damn post, video or article there is always some guy (whether Pakistani or Indian) who re-instigates the Pakistan vs India ideology and begins a comment war. For example here is a potential provoker:

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This is usually followed by an accusation of the commenter being an agent of the enemy:

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The battle rages for several months, even years, until both sides are exhausted. At first the commenters (almost) make sense. They outline the geo-econo-political issues faced by both countries and give their (apparently) unbiased opinion on which country is better.  However, the comment stream gets increasingly idiotic as time passes. In the end it consists of a couple of meaningless, retarded, racist and abusive phrases repeated again and again in CAPITAL letters.

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All these comment wars do is prove how retarded both countries are, to the rest of the world. It doesn’t really help anyone. In fact, it can’t even be called patriotism, it’s just fanatic blundering. Seriously, people! Grow up. What’s done is done, and you can’t change the past. However, you can help build a better future. It is estimated that free-trade with India and a co-operative economic policy can increase the GDP and HDI of both countries drastically. So basically, you’re just harming your own country by these fights. Think about it.

A Movie Clip of The Ol’ Cartoons

I vowed to collect as many movie clips of the Looney Tunes as I could, in a previous post. Here is a movie clip that I found on the internet, it is a perfect example of the humorous and entertaining style of the Looney Tunes, that made them unique:

In Memory of The Ol’ Classical Cartoons

Ah, the old cartoons. The Looney Tunes were my favourite. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd, Sam etc. Couldn’t stop laughing at them, still can’t. People may call them ‘violent’ , ‘misleading’ etc. But in my opinion, they were ingenious, artistic, brilliant!

The only problem is they are very difficult to find nowadays on the internet, they are available in the form of tiny clips on youtube etc. But as entire episodes, maybe an entire collection? I can’t find them anywhere 😦 .

Anyway, I’ve started a campaign of downloading as many video clips of them as I find and making a HUGE collection, I’ll try to grab some DVDs or CDs , but I’m not sure many shops have the old Loony Toons , I’m not sure they were ever even officially released in DVD form.

The Looney Tunes

Java Applets are Still Alive!

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https://www.facebook.com/JApplet

Disregarding what the title suggests, this Facebook page is not trying to make a crazy attempt at reviving the long-gone Java Applet technology. Instead it aims to remind people of it and of how good some Java Applets are and were. It provides links to sites dedicated to Java Applets and is trying to convey that Java Applets weren’t as bad as some people say. Although frankly, with newer technologies like Adobe Flash, HTML-5 Canvas (my choice), Microsoft Silverlight and JavaFX , Java Applets don’t stand a chance, I still can’t help admiring the applets some people created when I am browsing old sites and threads. One of the best sites I saw was:

http://javaonthebrain.com

It has an interesting collection of applets, mostly games and animations, which the site owner made in the 90’s (mostly 1996).

One good thing about Java Applets though, is their consistency. All modern (and old) web-browsers support Java Applets provided you have a Java Runtime installed. Although companies and individual probably won’t develop any high-quality Java Applets anymore, with all the other cool stuff, it’s still nice to know that all the good old 90’s applets are still supported and running perfectly (if not faster) on modern web-browsers.